


Idiot Boys

by earthphoenix (roughknuckles)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, Love, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-01-29
Updated: 2007-01-29
Packaged: 2017-12-10 16:00:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/787855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roughknuckles/pseuds/earthphoenix
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Implied James/Sirius. Sirius just got out of an abusive relationship with James, with a rather violent end. In the hospital wing, Sirius it cared for by an unlikely new friend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Idiot Boys

James Potter and Sirius Black were notoriously known to be as thick as thieves. Bright, handsome young men, who could always depend upon one other to always be there for the other. From pranks to quidditch matches, if one had a hand in it, to be sure so did the other.   
  
But today such a thing was not one to be proud of. Today, they had their hands against one another, they had a falling out. More then just a disagreement between friends, no, it had been more. It landed Potter in detention with the Gryffindor head of house, and Black in the hospital wing, which for him, was almost as bad.   
  
To make things worse, in attendance was Snape. For extra credit, as an independent study he was the nurse’s assistant, and often brewed treatments for the ailments of the students at Hogwarts.   
  
A wrap was circled around Sirius’s eyes, covering them, protecting them from light, as Potter had hit his best friend with a rather harsh blinding spell, that did not actually make on blind outright, but rather, extremely sensitive to light, forcing one to close their eyes, and blind themselves.   
  
Someone was holding Sirius by the hand, rolling up the sleeve of his robe, checking for bruising.   
  
Sirius woke up, his fingers curling against the white blankets he was laying under when he found fingers around his own and sighed, recognizing them. "I'm okay," he rumbled, his throat raspy.  
  
The figure was silent in his disapproval, gently laying his arm back down at his side. Moments later, a soft, warm, and rather sweet tasting wax was spread over Sirius’s split lip with a single finger.  
  
Sirius gasped a little and winced as pain spidered through his face from the touch and then numbed, his lean body relaxed against the bed. "Mm ... thanks," he licked at it a little and smirked, "oranges ..." Sirius swallowed, finding it hard. He could still feel James's fingers around his neck, the back of his head throbbed from where it had been bashed against a tree. A million things he wanted to ask, or say, none of them came. The world had turned inside out, black was white, the unthinkable had happened, and over something so trivial.  
  
"Would you like some water?" Severus kept his voice soft, calm, in hopes that Sirius would not recognize him, and therefore fight against the assistance that was being given.   
  
"Sure ...." Remus only grumbled like that when he was upset. Sirius tried to fidget in the bed but just stiffened in pain for a second, then released his breath. "So ... um, how is he?"  
  
Severus held a glass in one hand, while his other moved to the back of his patient's head, supporting it as he tipped the glass to his lips, "With Professor McGonagall." Was the only answer given.  
  
Sirius felt the glass and drank when the water hit his lips, tasting blood in his mouth. He sighed, "Are you ... mad?"  
  
Slowly pulling the glass away, Severus set it on the nearby night stand, "Why do you care if I am mad?"  
  
"You ... sound mad."  
  
"Then truth be told, yes, I am."  
  
Sirius sighed, his ears were still ringing loudly, but he could make out the words. "What'd James tell you?"  
  
"I think you are confused … Potter and I do not speak."   
  
He frowned, "What?" Sirius paused, "You're not talking to him over this?"  
  
"Certainly not."  
  
"But you  _are_  talking to me," he breathed out, "so ... I'm guessing you're mad at him."  
  
"Yes Sirius." Severus sighed patiently, "I am talking to you, aren’t I."  
  
His hand froze and Sirius let go, "You're ... not Remus ..."  
  
"Not Remus." Severus said still quietly.  
  
The injured, blinded boy shook his head in confusion, irritated, "Who are you then?"  
  
Severus foresaw that he was going to lose this way, so he made one last attempt, "Someone who always wanted to call you friend … shall I get the nurse instead?"  
  
 _This has got to be the drugs ..._  "Why are you here? Where's Remus?"  
  
"I work here … as for Lupin, his whereabouts are not my concern."   
  
"You work ... what bloody year is this?"  
  
"1977 … you have not fallen unconscious and woken up years later if that is what you are after."   
  
He frowned, wishing he  _had_  skipped years. "Okay ... I'm fucking confused on so many levels. What do you do here? You're a student!"  
  
"Please calm down." Severus drew back slightly, "Yes, I am a student, I am an assistant to the nurse …"  
  
"Oh ..." he laid back again and sighed, his voice going flat, "you're just working."  
  
"Hadn’t I said that?"  
  
"Little groggy here," he retorted, "sorry if my short term memory is smeared all over that bloody tree."  
  
"And yet you still cover it with wit." Severus folded his hands together, "Do you require anything else?"  
  
 _My best friend, the rest of my skull, my life back_. "No."  
  
"Then rest, if you can. And call if you need anything." Severus moved away, but in actuality, only sitting in a chair by the side of Sirius’s bed, taking up a book, remaining quiet as if he wasn’t there, not much different then any other day.  
  
Sirius sighed, assuming the nurse's assistant had drifted out, as he laid back against the bed. He took a deep breath, holding it in his chest and then exhaling, the breath shook and he leaned over to the table, groping over it, searching for something. He found a quill, a book. He opened the book blindly, scribbling with the quill across a page of text in red ink,  _Thought you were different. Don't bother saying sorry. - SB_. He took another shuddering breath and managed to lower the guard rail on his bed, trying to stand blindly, but falling. He stood again, the torn page in his hand, making his way blindly to the window.  
  
Severus waited, and watched. Allowing Sirius to do this to himself, it was what he wanted. He waited until the window was open, until an owl had claimed the letter and taken direction to deliver it. Only then did an arm wrap around Sirius’s waist, slight up his back, supporting him as Sirius’s arm was moved over a narrow, but strong shoulder, guiding the man back to his bed.  
  
Sirius startled, "Hey-" but his knees gave out and he needed the support or he would have fallen again. Nevertheless, "I thought you left!"  
  
"No … I am not so easy to be rid of. Here is your cot."

"I don't need a babysitter!" he snarled, but laid down, completely exhausted.  
  
"No … just someone to yell at, that’s all you need."  
  
"I don't need you to tell _me_ what I need!"  
  
Severus laughed a little sadly, almost mumbling, "How I’ve grown to enjoy your cruelty."   
  
"What?" His temper was building, his cheeks flushed under the white blindfold, "Enjoy my what!?"  
  
There was only silence to meet the question. Severus had returned to his seat, watching Sirius, not yet sure it was safe yet to take up his book again  
  
"Snape! Damn it, my ears are ringing and I can't hear a bloody thing."  
  
A soft, cool compress was dabbed against Sirius’s forehead, then down, over his neck; helping to cool the skin turned red with anger and frustration.   
  
Sirius almost growled and turned his face away, "Fucking stubborn Slytherin ..."  
  
"And you're any better?"  
  
"WHY are you doing this?" He took the compress off, chucking it against the opposite wall, in a fury.  
  
"Suspicious snake." Severus accused Sirius, "Can you not accept help when it is given? Cannot even in your blindness, see kindness?"  
  
"I don't ... GET it! You've always HATED me and now you're trying to take care of me after James, who was supposed to ..."  
  
"Listen to me Sirius, if you truly want an answer." Severus spoke softly, but that was only because his face was so close to Sirius that he did not need to raise it, "You think love, what Potter was supposed to give you is touch and kiss and a hard fuck every night? That is not love. It is lust, and it leaves you empty and alone, even if you surround yourself with more and more friends. Love Sirius … love endures abuse, love is there for those who stop, who take one second to look around, and no longer ignore what has been sitting there all along, stair right back at them."  
  
Sirius had gone very still, only breathing in and out and in, "He said ..." the pureblood prince murmured, "he said he loved me."  
  
"Love, goes unspoken. Love, is voiced in action … at best, there are no words worthy enough, strong enough to truly express love. People say lots of things … it is their actions which you should learn from, not their words."  
  
He turned his head away, "And you ... you know this ... how?"  
  
Severus pressed a new, clean compress to the side of Sirius’s bruised face; he remained a man of action, not words.  
  
Sirius flinched only a little, but didn't say anything he just let the cool, soothing potion sink in through what he guessed was scratched skin. "So ... what happened?"  
  
"When?"  
  
"I remember James shouting and then hitting the back of the tree ... what happened?"  
  
"There was a volley of spells, to my understanding, ending with Potter stepping on your back to keep you down while he blew your eyesight away."  
  
Sirius swallowed, "Am I going to see again?"  
  
"You should … but it will take time."  
  
"How ... how much time?"  
  
"By my counsel? I say a week, the nurse may say otherwise."  
  
Sirius was silent, "What other ... damage?"  
  
"Bruising on the back of your head, the side of your face … your back, to your hip and right thigh."  
  
Another long silence. "Nothing feels broken ..."  
  
"A rib, but I was later informed that was already broken."  
  
He looked away, even though Snape couldn't see, his face flushing again. One arm crossed over his own chest.  
  
"You don’t have to talk to me …" Severus said quietly, "But I’ll be here."  
  
"It was over ... nothing." He swallowed, "We were ... supposed to be dating, right?" his face was more flushed than ever, humiliated, "I caught him with Evans, she left, I told him he had to choose and ... I mean he's hit me before but not, he just grabbed me by my neck and slammed me back, I had no chance. I dropped my wand." Sirius held his breath for a moment, "Not so bright after all, am I? I'll bet the whole school knew, now I'm in this bed, my supposed friends are nowhere to be found. Some genius I am."  
  
"The world is not so crewel." Severus informed, he had himself secrets that the school had yet to learn through gossip, "None but those involved know, it will stay like that unless you or Potter speak about it." He sighed, "It was an excuse then … taking you into his bed, and being able to throw you out of it just the same. The fault is his, entirely … not yours Sirius, the only blame that falls upon you is that … you are good, and allowed yourself to be blind to everything else … until it hit you in the face."  
  
Sirius shook his head, "You don't know me."  
  
"Very well." Severus stood, "The nurse will come to check on you shortly."  
  
He held his silence and confusion, turning his face away into the pillow and falling into fitful sleep.

*                    *                    *

Sirius was awoken next by a woman’s hand and voice, "Come now Mr Black, dinner is here for you."

He gasped, reaching out blindly to defend himself. He'd had a nightmare about a stag skewering a black dog with it's antlers over and over again, a carnivorous deer. "What!?"  
  
"Easy– easy Mr Black-" she was not as dissuaded as perhaps her assistant, "the elves have brought you dinner."   
  
He calmed down a little, taking in air in full swallows, gulps. "I'm not, not hungry-" he breathed out, relaxing back into the bed with a sigh, covered in sweat.  
  
"You say that, but I scarcely believe it, come now Mr Black, they have brought you chicken, some sort of twisty-pasta and vegetables … I’m sure some of it should taste good to you."  
  
"Maybe later." He put one hand to his eyes, rubbing through the blindfold. "They itch."  
  
She took up his hand and pulled it off his face, "Scratching hardly helps that … I shall have something made for you, until then" she was examining the side of his face, nearer the back of his head.  
  
"What ... what are you looking at?"  
  
"Nothing … now either lie back and sleep again, or eat."   
  
"You're staring at something on my face, what is it?"  
  
"The cut … it may scar."  
  
"What cut? Just ... show me where it is ... I don't know what happened, I can't remember."  
  
"Mr Black, if you would sit still …" she was dabbing a cotton swab from the top of his temple, where black hair met flat, bare skin, down at an angle to the joint of his jaw, just under his ear.   
  
He gritted his jaw, "Damn it, talk to me like I'm capable of understanding where I'm hurt, just TELL me what's wrong with me."  
  
"Very well Mr Black," the nurse huffed, "against my better judgment … your jaw should be broken, but as it is, you seem quite capable of proving me wrong with your constant attitude, you have a large cut from your temple on this side, down, under your ear, and almost around to the back of your skull, your skin is anywhere from yellow to green to purple in bruising … AND, if you haven’t noticed, you haven’t got your sight back, and I don’t suspect you will any time soon."  
  
Sirius paused and then reached up quietly, touching the start of the long, long slash from his temple and tracing it with increasing horror down his face, under his ear and around the back of his skull. "What are these pieces of string doing in it!?" He could feel tough, thin threads in his skin that itched, as though someone literally sewed him back together. The pureblood had gone so pale he looked icy, a little grey under the ivory bandages.  
  
Poppy sighed deeply, "They are keeping you together." It was keeping his skin upon his face, rather then drying out, dying, and simply (and very painfully) rolling up at the edges, pulling away from his muscle.   
  
"Oh." He was for once glad for the bandages over his eyes. Sirius sat back, shocked into docility for the time being.  
  
When the nurse was finished attending to his bruising, adding the most recent layer of her ointments, she stood, "Very good Mr. Black, your dinner is on the table to your right. I shall be in my office if you need anything, and I will call for Mr. Snape to give you something for the itching."  
  
He just nodded, "I don't want Potter or Lupin or Pettigrew in here. Period." The usually cheerful and daredevillish boy went cold.  
  
"None are allowed to visit you at this time, Mr. Black, so do not concern yourself, you will not be bothered."  
  
"It's not for my safety," he almost hissed, "it's for theirs."  
  
The room was quite again for some time, then the far doors opened, and closed just as quickly. Steady footsteps came up, just past Sirius’s bed and into the nurse’s office, getting his direction.  
  
Sirius was laying on his good side, his fury starting to ebb away, filing back into his mind. He almost hated Remus more, after all he'd been through to try and help Remus, the idiot wouldn't stick his neck out now, when Sirius needed a friend the most. Peter was a coward, Sirius had always known that, and as for James ... any feelings that may have lingered were incinerated in his anger. All he wanted right now was revenge.  
  
Severus approached Sirius from the front, not behind, "The nurse says your bandages itch, if you sit up, I can do something for it."  
  
Sirius sighed and turned back, "Sure," he said dully, "now that I know how bad it is, I gave up scratching."  
  
Severus sat himself in a chair beside Sirius’s bed, he waited before acting, "I will be undoing the bandages, you need to keep your eyes closed, else the damage done to them might be irreversible."   
  
"Okay ..." he swallowed, and braced himself as though it might be painful. For all he knew, it might be.  
  
Severus placed his hands gently on either side of Sirius’s head, skilled hands dedicated to even the most simplest of tasks, as he began to unwrap the protective bandage from around Sirius’s eyes, as he got closer to the last layer, he made sure, "Are they closed?"  
  
"Yeah, closed all the way."  
  
Severus unwrapped the last layers, and tossed the used bandages aside; letting Sirius’s skin breathe for the first time since his attack. Dipping his fingers into a smooth, almost honey-like substance, Severus began to smooth the oil around Sirius’s brow, down the bridge of his nose, and around his eyes. The solution worked to give the nerves a slight buzz, then numb it from pain and irritation.   
  
He gasped softly, his eyelids fluttering but staying closed, "That's nice ..."  
  
Severus finished his work easily, before he began to wrap a new, clean layer of bandages around Sirius’s head, "Since I am here … is that all that you wanted?"  
  
Sirius leaned back in the bed, like a wild bird, he relaxed more when he was blindfolded. "No," he said softly, feeling broken and pathetic.   
  
There was a long silence before Severus spoke again, seeing that Sirius had not eaten, was not talking, "Sirius?"  
  
"Yeah?" his voice was quiet and a little ragged.  
  
Severus was quiet, reaching out was not his strong point, even with his work here in the hospital wing. "If you…" he sighed, "I’ll be here."  
  
Sirius nodded, "She says it's going to scar."  
  
"Probably."  
  
He sighed, "Have you seen him?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Good ..." Sirius grumbled, reaching up and trying to push some hair out of his face, "so what's going to happen to the bastard?"  
  
"I honestly wouldn’t know. I am sure Professor McGonagall will come to speak with you about it in private."  
  
"Don't care. Hope he's just fucking shoved off the tower."  
  
The idea however turned Severus’s stomach,  _you used to say the same about me_.   
  
"Have you seen my brother around?"  
  
"Yes … he’s tried to come see you, but no visitors are allowed."  
  
Sirius sat up, "What? He did ..."  
  
"Yes … he was more then a little furious to be denied."  
  
Sirius sighed, "Yeah ... I dunno maybe it's for the best, he's not good with blood and stuff."  
  
"If he writes you a letter ... would you ... trust me enough to read it to you?"  
  
Sirius swallowed, fingers playing with the edge of the blanket, "Yeah, yeah course."  
  
Severus nodded, watching Sirius fidget, "In case you have forgotten, there is a chicken dinner on your bedside table."  
  
He shook his head, "It's hard to open my mouth that wide." He did hold his hand out, "But is there something to drink?"  
  
"Looks to be pumpkin juice." Severus held the glass, putting it in Sirius’s hand, but covering his other hand over Sirius’s, to make sure he had it securely.   
  
Sirius swallowed, "Thanks," he raised the glass unsteadily, bumping it against his nose and laughing before he drank with a hum.  
  
Severus sat quietly, in a way he felt that perhaps it was his odd features that Sirius hated, that made him act the way he did and say the things he said; because now that Sirius was blinded of the sight of Snape, he was … different. But then again, perhaps that was due to the traumatic nature of his situation, he didn’t have the energy to give him a hard time.  
  
"You know, maybe it's just the drugs talking but it's really, really boring in here ... can you just talk about what's going on out there in my-face-isn't-a-quilt land?"  
   
"… uh." Severus was at a loss for a moment, he fidgeted with the cuffs of his robes, "Hagrid was mending the carriages the other night … and, I believe Slughorn has another one of his gatherings this weekend." The Slytherin tried, but he didn’t know people like Potter or Black knew people.   
  
Sirius grunted in disgust, "I hate him, he's such a creep! Him and his little club, ugh."  
  
"I overheard him speaking with Professor Sprout, he was talking about possibly taking a year of sabbatical … but it sounded more like his way of getting a permanent leave of absence."   
  
Sirius snorted, "Good, I wouldn't be surprised if he was shagging first years."  
  
"I doubt the headmaster would allow someone like that at his school."  
  
"Still, don't you get that sort of feeling about him? He asked me to be in his idiot club and I told him where to shove it."  
  
"He likes to associate himself with important, special people …" Of which, Severus was not one.  
  
Sirius made a scoffing noise, "Right, hasn't so much as breathed in my direction after I was disowned, fucking jerk. Asked you too, didn't he?"  
  
"No."  
  
Sirius sounded honestly surprised, "Seriously?"  
  
"He scarcely knows I exist except for the prefect meetings he is sometimes required to attend."   
  
"But ... but your brain." There was no mocking in his voice.  
  
Even so, Severus folded his arms defensively, "I haven’t a name, and I haven’t an agreeable personality … he ignores me, and that suits me just fine." Though even a blind man could tell that Severus wanted at least some recognition for his achievements. When house awards were passed out, he was passed over, every year.  
  
"But you ... you beat everyone. In every class!"  
  
Severus smiled a little, it was why, in his own way, he liked Sirius, he didn’t feel invisible. "It doesn’t matter." Even though the Slytherin secretly desired to belong, to something bigger, something better then his own company.   
  
"Still! Bloody Narcissa is in the stupid club, she does NOTHING. She's USELESS!"  
  
"Sirius … why do you care? I certainly don’t care."  
  
"Because it's so much bullshit, it's just about whose son or daughter you are, how much money you have, not what you actually do or say. That's exactly why I left home, bullshit."  
  
"And what good does it do you to get mad about it? What does that accomplish?" He wasn’t trying to be difficult, he was trying to understand.  
  
"Because ... it's not right. It's not bloody right. You're SMART and you should be in that fucking group."  
  
"I can also be kind, but that does not mean I have a friend to my name." He raised an eyebrow to Sirius, seeing if he’d change his mind now that they were talking about the dynamic between them, "Is that also an injustice?"   
  
"Well ..." he considered, shrugging painfully, "No, because most of the time you just run away from people or snap at them. But that sort of stuff you can help, no one can help how they were fucking born, or who they were born to."  
  
"Would you like to dictate a letter to your brother?"  
  
He sighed, "Sure, I don't know what I'll say ... we haven't actually spoken in a year."  
  
Severus conjured a notepad and quill, "That seems like a good beginning. Be honest." He then realized it wasn’t his job to give advice, and shut up.  
  
Sirius was very aware of just such a thing, "Thanks," he sighed, "Okay, um, Reg. No, Dear Reg ... no, just Reg."  
  
Severus waited until Sirius was sure, then wrote in his own hand,  _Reg-_  while he waited for further instruction.   
  
"Look, I know we haven't talked in ages, but considering what happened I thought maybe I might drop you a line. I'm okay, just need some time to recover, Pomprey's being over-cautious of course. Nothing to worry about. Write back if you want. Sirius."  
  
Severus wrote it word for word, except for the name, "Would you like to sign it yourself?"  
  
Sirius sighed, "Just ... put my hand where it's supposed to start-" he groped for the quill in the air.  
  
Severus put the notepad on Sirius’s lap, and handed the quill to the former prince, guiding his hand to the lower part of the paper, "Here."  
  
Sirius swallowed and scribbled his name on the paper, staining his fingers with the ink and handing it blindly back to Snape.  
  
"I’ll give this to him when I return to the dorms." Severus folded the paper in half, putting it in his pocket.  
  
"Thanks," Sirius pushed his hair out of his face, streaking ink over his cheek and forehead.  
  
Severus took back the quill, making it disappear, then took up a napkin from the uneaten dinner, dipping it in water, "You have … here." He began to wipe the man’s face clean of the ink.  
  
Sirius frowned and turned his head fitfully but stilled, "What color?"  
  
"Black ink ... looks like your hair is leaking."  
  
Sirius actually laughed, "Good. That's all I need."  
  
It was nice to hear Sirius laugh, and not it be at him. "I should go then."  
  
"Oh ... yeah. I guess you have to sleep."  
  
"Homework and prefect duty."  
  
Sirius nodded, "Right. Um, do I have ink on me still? I'd rather not be horrific looking _and_ drawn on."  
  
"You look fine Sirius. I will be around in the morning before classes." He stood, "good night."  
  
"Night ..." Sirius sagged back against the bed, "beware of bed bugs ... and all that."  
  
"Um ... right."  
  
The pureblood's mouth settled in a stiff line and he sighed, alone again.

*                    *                    *

When Severus returned to the dorm, he knocked on Regulus Black’s door, the young prince was allowed his own room.  
  
Regulus opened the door at once, obviously awake. "Yes?"  
  
"Good evening, I hope I wasn’t disturbing you." Severus attempted politely.  
  
"No, no, not at all ... any news on my brother?"  
  
Severus nodded, and reached into his pocket, producing the letter. "For you."  
  
Regulus gasped, and he took the letter at once with wide blue eyes. "Come in, please ..." he walked into his room, shaking, opening the letter.  
  
Severus stepped in with an inclination of his head as it was an ‘honor’ to be invited to be alone with the young prince. He reserved his comments until after Regulus read the letter, until he was asked.  
  
Regulus ripped the letter open, reading it quickly and turning. "How is he, really? He's lying. This isn't his handwriting."  
  
"He had me write it for him. He cannot see at the present. And, he is not well … but in time, he will be."  
  
Regulus went whiter, "Cannot see?"  
  
"For the time being, he has been blinded."   
  
Regulus paced, almost shaking in place, "I'll kill him. I'll kill that bastard."  
  
Severus allowed the young prince to work out his fury before he suggested quite earnestly, "If I may suggest … allow those who are used to getting dirty, do the dirty work."  
  
"They have not my reason ..."  
  
"Indeed not, you are his brother … but, I would do it, if you trust my judgment."   
  
He looked back at Severus, blinking, "No," he said softly, "no, you're taking care of him. If you weren't taking care of him, I'd lose my mind."  
  
It was praise that he had the Black prince’s confidence, he inclined his head in thanks, even though he would not be acting as he suggested. "Would you like me to deliver a letter in return?"  
  
He nodded, staring out the window, "I can't sleep."  
  
"I can offer you only a potion, or my company."  
  
He turned, his eyes brightening a little, "Will you ... there is something you can do-" he walked back over, quickly. "There is something ..."  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Will you ... will you give him your company? Your potions? He's awful at being alone, he's afraid of it, more than anything."  
  
"Yes. I can do that. But you, Regulus? Will that be enough for you?"  
  
"Yes, yes that would be more than enough, just make sure he's not alone ... our parents used to .... force him to be alone alot, as punishment."  
  
Severus nodded in understanding, "Then I will return to him … do you still wish to send a letter? Or …" he smiled a little, "just me?"  
  
He swallowed, "I'll slip one under the door but ... just go, go, please, sleep there, just don't let him be alone."  
  
Severus nodded, bowing with due respect to the prince, and took his leave, to return to the hospital wing.  
  
The door to the hospital wing was pushed open, and in the dimly lit room, Severus quietly closed the door behind him and approached Sirius in his bed, not sure if he was sleeping or not, "Sirius?"  
  
His chest rose quickly and he half sat up, listening, "What?" _Who's there just sounds too pathetic_.  
  
"Your brother sends me in his place, until which time he is allowed to see you for himself." Severus sat on the side of Sirius’s bed, bravely kissing the side of his cheek with ‘brotherly’ affection.  
  
He swallowed, "What? What the ... you ... kissed me ..." He wasn't angry, and that surprised him, just bewildered. "My brother talked to you."  
  
"Yes."  
  
"How is he?"  
  
"He wants to see you."  
  
"Not until I can see. It'll scare him."  
  
"So until then ... I am going to be here."  
  
Sirius half laughed, "Yeah, you work here ... so?"  
  
"No … I mean, during the night."  
  
Sirius colored again, "My brother asked you to stay with me ... all the time, you mean."  
  
"Do you object to my company?"  
  
He licked his lips, "No ..."  
  
"Then, will you move over a little?"   
  
Sirius paused, "You're getting in with me?"  
  
"Do you object?"  
  
He seemed completely at a loss for a smart comeback and just sighed, moving over, chewing his lower lip.  
  
Severus crawling in with Sirius, laying on his side, behind him, though not making any move to wrap his arms around the other man, to make him feel trapped in any way.  
  
The room felt small, if only because Sirius couldn't see how lonely it was, but really because instead of the terrifying infinity his imagination could fill, a boundary was set by the warmness beside him. This is real. He laid his head on a pillow and relaxed the way a dog relaxes when it's stroked during a thunderstorm. It was late, almost three a.m., and Sirius just started talking. "I really thought he loved me."  
  
"Why?" Severus half mumbled.  
  
"That's just it, I don't know ... because he said so. He kissed me and said he loved me, and for all I knew, that was how it goes, sort of like a little pact between people. But then ... he started doing things to me that I wouldn't do to him, that I didn't want to do to him, and I had to sort of make excuses. I had to take the idea of him loving me and bend it around all these things that didn't feel like love."  
  
Severus nodded slightly, "Your brother loves you. Has he ever said it?"  
  
"That's different."  
  
"If you say."  
  
"It's different, he has to love me."  
  
"No, he doesn't. Family has no obligation to love."  
  
"But it's different. He grew up not really having the choice. I'm his brother."  
  
"Fine. Don't believe me."  
  
"You're saying James should have treated me like ... my brother does?"  
  
"I don’t know the details of how you and your brother are, but for my part, of what I see, yes. Your brother loves you, he shows you the right kind of love."  
  
Sirius just sighed, "Except for the sex and kissing and so on."  
  
Severus shrugged.   
  
"Trust me, that's never going to happen to me."  
  
"What? Your brother kissing you?"  
  
"Well that too, but ... no one is ever going to fall into that sort of love with me."  
  
Severus was quiet at first, then half snorted, "You know, before, when you said that you were an idiot, I was going to argue against it, but now I’m just going to agree. You’re an idiot, and blind in the most important way."   
  
Sirius managed to glare even through the blindfold, "Brave of you to say that out of my reach. Care to explain, oh snide one?"  
  
"Out of your reach? Sirius-" Severus turned the Gryffindor to face him on the cot, "You. Are. An. Idiot." He kissed him proper.

Sirius gasped, his eyes almost opening under the gauze, hands flattening in surprise at the feeling of Snape's lips. "ButI-" he protested before realizing something that had never crossed his mind _... Severus Snape is a good kisser ..._  
  
Severus gently touched his hands overtop of Sirius’s fingers. Kissing him slowly, but fully, humming slightly in delight (especially in the excitement of his own bravery).  
  
Sirius very, very slowly let his mouth relax, lips parting a little timidly, bracing himself for the pain of the split being reopened at the corner, but he hummed as he felt that Severus was kissing him very carefully, very slowly, warming not just his lips but his neck, down his chest ...  
  
"Do you want me to stop?" Severus asked softly, once he had thought he made his point.  
  
"You just kissed ... me." Sirius gasped, breathless with rushing blood and confusion.  
  
"Yes." Severus sighed, _idiot_. "Do you want me to stop?"  
  
"No ..." Sirius said, just as amazed at his own answer, "I really, actually don't."  
  
Severus smiled a little against Sirius’s lips, kissing him again, slowly, what was in fact, lovingly.   
  
Sirius wound his arm around Severus's neck, finding his shoulder with two hands. His back was surprisingly strong and solid, not at all bony as he would have suspected, his lips parted again, a little wider, letting him in as he held himself closer, moaning almost inaudibly. James hadn't kissed this way, it had been all sloppy, urgent tongue and teeth, biting, suffocating, choking.  
  
Wrapping his arms around Sirius in a lose, comfortable embrace, Severus kept them face to face on their sides, kissing like this slow and quite like the best kept secret, well into the night.  
  
When Sirius fell asleep against Severus, in his arms, his lips and cheeks were pleasantly sore, humming softly and his head rested against Severus's shoulder. The pureblood breathed in deep, even strides, no nightmare deer daring to come near him.

**Author's Note:**

> co-authored. originally written for thestralskinphoenixtears


End file.
